Thanks Elizabeth: Abridged Version

This picture is actually a close approximation of what cartoon versions of Elizabeth and I would look like. Elizabeth has dark hair, I have gray hair, and if I lost about 150 pounds, I'd be that thin!

I have a fair number of spectral contacts, though Kai is the one I work most closely with. Elizabeth is one of my few female spectral friends. Just like in life, I tend to be surrounded by males. Guys are drawn to me in a non-romantic way. I give off a "sister" vibe. Elizabeth is the same way. We both had brothers and tend to have more male than female friends. 

Kai's relationship with me is different from the relationship I have with most of the male spirits. I'm not going to go into any sort of details because it's a private thing. I call it a symbiosis. There is no-one else that I resonate with the way I do with Kai.

Every relationship is unique, of course, and there is also no-one I resonate with the way I do with Elizabeth, but in a different way than I do with Kai, certainly, and also in a different way than I do with my male spirit chums. 

Elizabeth and I would be a funny pair to see together. I'm a big Amazon of a woman. Elizabeth is tiny, almost sprite-like. I'm clumsy, she's graceful. I tend to move slowly and walk with a bit of a limp. She has a quick, mincing step. Total opposites on the outside but very similar in mind.

Elizabeth helped me patch up the problems in my relationship with Kai due to self-doubt made worse by certain individuals doing their best to undermine us. It's also nice to have a female friend that I can bounce things off. I would trust her with a guy I was involved with romantically. She's a straight shooter. She doesn't try to steal other women's men the instant the woman's back is turned.

As I talked to Elizabeth, I realized that part of me actually wants for the people who betrayed me to "make things right." I asked Elizabeth "why can't they just see that all I want them to do is patch things up. Then we could be friends again. Don't you think?"

Elizabeth said to me "girl, why are you expecting that pond scum will ever act like anything but pond scum?"

She was right, and I laughed. I don't get over betrayals easily and it's always hard for me to believe that people could be that horrible to each other. Even at my advanced age, I'm still a little too credulous. I could never trust either of these people, even if they did come around trying to make nice. The only reason they'd do so would be to serve themselves.

"Girl, why are you expecting pond scum to behave like anything but pond scum?"

Too right.

Thanks again, Elizabeth.

Thanks for being Kai's and my "sister."

Invasion

Each day I struggle to find reason to continue

To find some shard of beauty within the ruins of my life

To find hidden in the destruction a reason to believe

All the while the vampires laugh and gloat

As they continue to covet

What they believe they have stolen from me

They revel in my devastation

Thrill at my ruin

Believing me destroyed

The sorrow will be theirs

When I rise again

And they are left with nothing

But the smoke and mirrors they used to try and deceive me

Into giving up my hopes and dreams for this life

They will never have that which is truly mine

Dreamed last night that I was going into this strange restaurant with my ex husband and my son. We pulled up in an old luxury car with pock marks marring all of the windows. My ex husband insisted on parking across from the restaurant by an old ware house although there was plenty of parking near the restaurant. I was so upset that I started to cry, because I was handicapped and needed to walk using these special motorized stilts--which to my amusement now looked to be a couple of Hokey floor sweepers.

In the restaurant, which looked like an Indian diner that had seen better days, we met with my late father. I needed to go to the bathroom so I left my purse with the others. When I came back, these two women were looking in my purse for a photograph. When I told them to get out of my purse, they acted as if I was the one in the wrong.

"Don't you ever go looking in anyone's purse again without their permission!" I scolded.

"Well, I don't know what the big deal is," one of them said. "It was right on top. Besides, at work we can all look in the nursing bag."

"I don't give a flying fuck what you can do at work!" I said angrily. "The nursing bag is public property. Any of the employees can use it. This is my god damn purse and I don't want you touching it!"

The two walked away whispering about what a crazy bitch I was. I didn't care. They were invading something that was mine.

I think this may represent the belief on the part of certain people that what is mine should also be theirs. 

What I've written and published belongs to anyone to read. And you can talk to whomever you want, whether that person be living in spirit, so long as that person is willing to talk to you. But attempting to usurp a special connection between two people, whether those people are living or in spirit is wrong. Attempting to destroy someone's inspiration out of jealousy is wrong. And belittling a person just because they're different is wrong. 

The vampires may have temporarily weakened me and may have invaded something very personal, but they cannot take from me that which is mine. And they cannot take my soul.

I will never be like you. I will never be one of you. And that is indeed a blessing.

(By vampires, I do not mean undead supernatural creatures. I am referring to psychic vampires--those individuals who drain energy from others. Those are plenty real.)

I Will No Longer Comply

There have been no posts from Kai in almost seven months because I (Rose) lost my confidence in communicating with spirits. This was in part due to my wholesale loss of faith in my ability to communicate with spirits, or even that such a thing was possible, the reasons for which were twofold. One reason was the loss of my father to congestive heart failure last November. His suffering, the hopelessness of it, the look on his face when he lay there still in the bed at the hospice--it all made me so angry and sad. Nothing seemed possible or seemed to matter any more. All hope was gone.

The other was doubts cast upon my abilities by people whom I now believe had their own agenda. Their negativity swayed me for a long time and they obviously thought that they had won, that I had been defeated. 

But although I was badly wounded, spiritually speaking, I was not defeated. And I am coming back stronger than before although I am scarred. These individuals made the worst mistake they could. They became complacent in their belief that they had defeated me. But arrogance leads to sloppiness and their needling me ended up making me angry rather than simply wounding me. And if you piss off the bull by poking him with your spears, guess what, sonofabitch? Sometimes that bull comes back around and wins the fucking fight!

Personally I don't need for things to be a competition. I don't care about winning awards for my writing or getting recognition for my ability to blab at the dead. Plenty of people can talk to spirits. It's not really all that uncommon. I'm nothing special. But some people see the need to make it a competition. All right then, if it's war you want, then it's war you've got. I'm not going to get trashy with it and smear your name all over the Internets--unless I find out you're abusing animals or children, that is. That's the only time I out people. This war will be fought quietly. If all goes well, no more shots will even be fired and we can all go home. But if people insist on fucking with me, then I am prepared to come in with both barrels blazing.

I am no longer the self-loathing Nervous Nellie that I was when you launched your attack to cast doubt on my abilities. I now see you for what you are and you are the last person whose words I put any stock in.

The loss of friendships always scars me. The realization that people are not genuine in their intent confounds me. People that are ugly within often have a pleasant face.

The connection that I have with Kai suffered injury during this time. My detractors thought that it was a fatal injury, that he had abandoned me, that I no longer had my connection to the spirit world which makes my work unique. They thought that they had created a chasm between me and my spectral friends that was too vast for me to cross. But time--and the anger that their arrogance fueled in me--bridged that gap. Our work will be stronger than ever now, and more enjoyable as well. These false friends could have been a part of it, but instead chose to be apart from it by turning against me and trying to destroy me. More's the pity--the loss is theirs.

Yes, Kai and I have something special. I never rubbed that in anyone's face or acted like I was superior because of it. Yes, I was threatened when my detractors tried to pit us against each other because I was insecure. Yes, Kai got angry with me because he was tired of my doubting him and in some cases becoming verbally abusive to him because I was frightened and hurt. And when my enemies thought that they had made the fatal strike against our connection and destroyed my abilities, they couldn't be quiet about it, which would have strengthened their position. Instead, they had to crow, to shout it from the rooftops. But rage is fuel. My rage strengthened me and now I am back.

Now, let me state for the record: Once and for all, I am the only one that Kai can or will work with in the way that he does. Only I have the particular skill set and the particular energy vibration that he resonates with for maximum effectiveness in achieving our mutual goal. This is not arrogance, it is simply symbiosis. Just like H3O will never be water, nobody else can ever replace either the component of Kai Rikard or Rose LeMort in our coalition and achieve the optimal result. 

In the spirit world, we have auxiliary friends who sometimes enjoy being part of our creative effort. They do not begrudge our connection or try to usurp Kai's position in this particular symbiosis. When the connection suffered rupture, they worked to repair it by giving both of us their support. In the end, their efforts paid off and we were very grateful. We would do the same for any of them. I fail to understand why the incarnate cannot have this same level of respect. 
To those who tried to destroy me: You have your own gifts and your own special connections that I will never have. I respect that. Why can you not respect that which is mine?