There have been no posts from Kai in almost seven months because I (Rose) lost my confidence in communicating with spirits. This was in part due to my wholesale loss of faith in my ability to communicate with spirits, or even that such a thing was possible, the reasons for which were twofold. One reason was the loss of my father to congestive heart failure last November. His suffering, the hopelessness of it, the look on his face when he lay there still in the bed at the hospice--it all made me so angry and sad. Nothing seemed possible or seemed to matter any more. All hope was gone.
The other was doubts cast upon my abilities by people whom I now believe had their own agenda. Their negativity swayed me for a long time and they obviously thought that they had won, that I had been defeated.
But although I was badly wounded, spiritually speaking, I was not defeated. And I am coming back stronger than before although I am scarred. These individuals made the worst mistake they could. They became complacent in their belief that they had defeated me. But arrogance leads to sloppiness and their needling me ended up making me angry rather than simply wounding me. And if you piss off the bull by poking him with your spears, guess what, sonofabitch? Sometimes that bull comes back around and wins the fucking fight!
Personally I don't need for things to be a competition. I don't care about winning awards for my writing or getting recognition for my ability to blab at the dead. Plenty of people can talk to spirits. It's not really all that uncommon. I'm nothing special. But some people see the need to make it a competition. All right then, if it's war you want, then it's war you've got. I'm not going to get trashy with it and smear your name all over the Internets--unless I find out you're abusing animals or children, that is. That's the only time I out people. This war will be fought quietly. If all goes well, no more shots will even be fired and we can all go home. But if people insist on fucking with me, then I am prepared to come in with both barrels blazing.
I am no longer the self-loathing Nervous Nellie that I was when you launched your attack to cast doubt on my abilities. I now see you for what you are and you are the last person whose words I put any stock in.
The loss of friendships always scars me. The realization that people are not genuine in their intent confounds me. People that are ugly within often have a pleasant face.
The connection that I have with Kai suffered injury during this time. My detractors thought that it was a fatal injury, that he had abandoned me, that I no longer had my connection to the spirit world which makes my work unique. They thought that they had created a chasm between me and my spectral friends that was too vast for me to cross. But time--and the anger that their arrogance fueled in me--bridged that gap. Our work will be stronger than ever now, and more enjoyable as well. These false friends could have been a part of it, but instead chose to be apart from it by turning against me and trying to destroy me. More's the pity--the loss is theirs.
Yes, Kai and I have something special. I never rubbed that in anyone's face or acted like I was superior because of it. Yes, I was threatened when my detractors tried to pit us against each other because I was insecure. Yes, Kai got angry with me because he was tired of my doubting him and in some cases becoming verbally abusive to him because I was frightened and hurt. And when my enemies thought that they had made the fatal strike against our connection and destroyed my abilities, they couldn't be quiet about it, which would have strengthened their position. Instead, they had to crow, to shout it from the rooftops. But rage is fuel. My rage strengthened me and now I am back.
Now, let me state for the record: Once and for all, I am the only one that Kai can or will work with in the way that he does. Only I have the particular skill set and the particular energy vibration that he resonates with for maximum effectiveness in achieving our mutual goal. This is not arrogance, it is simply symbiosis. Just like H3O will never be water, nobody else can ever replace either the component of Kai Rikard or Rose LeMort in our coalition and achieve the optimal result.
In the spirit world, we have auxiliary friends who sometimes enjoy being part of our creative effort. They do not begrudge our connection or try to usurp Kai's position in this particular symbiosis. When the connection suffered rupture, they worked to repair it by giving both of us their support. In the end, their efforts paid off and we were very grateful. We would do the same for any of them. I fail to understand why the incarnate cannot have this same level of respect.
To those who tried to destroy me: You have your own gifts and your own special connections that I will never have. I respect that. Why can you not respect that which is mine?
To those who tried to destroy me: You have your own gifts and your own special connections that I will never have. I respect that. Why can you not respect that which is mine?
